biznich20's Xanga

Bon Voyage

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 04:01:49 GMT

Today, I think I came closer to understanding something, I in no way profess to completely understand it, but I have a little more empathy for it all. Picture an airport gate. All the black pleather chairs lined up in their rows, waiting for the passengers on the next flight to check in. In the center of the gate waiting area, a mother and a father sitting across from someone I can only assume to be their son. The son was no younger than 19, no older than 24. A young man, in good physical condition and appears to have a bright future ahead of him. However, this future is now overshadowed with uncertainty. You see, this young man was wearing camouflage BDU’s and had a military issue rucksack sitting at his feet.

It was obvious that their son had been called into duty. All three sitting in silence, which was occasionally interrupted by a comment or joke, anything to lighten the mood and take their minds off of where this young man was going after he landed in Dallas-Fort Worth. It all seemed to be a very solemn final moment together, almost as if they were in church praying. Who knows, although this airport terminal was no church, maybe they were praying. Praying for a safe flight to his destination, praying that he be safe no matter where he ends up, or praying for a safe return home in the not too distant future.

Then it came time to board the plane.

The son slowly stands up from his seat, putting on a brave face for his parents, but at the same time, refusing to make eye contact with either one. Almost as if doing so will cause that emotion stoic wall to come crashing down causing him to weep the way a child would when being left at school for the very first time. His parents stand, and after hugging him goodbye, he slowly makes his way over to the line to board the flight.
As he stands in line, waiting to walk down the gangway to the plane, his mother and father look on. Standing side by side next to their seats in the gate area, watching their son creep slowly up to the podium where his ticket will be torn. Mom and dad soon loose site of their son behind the wall of the check-in counter. Mom hurriedly moves behind the wall to spend every possible second with her son before he boards the plane. Dad soon follows mom, coming up behind her and placing both of his reassuring hands on her shoulders, as if to say, “Our boy will be fine…don’t worry.” The mom then yells something to her son. What…I have no idea, I can only guess. She could have asked if he had his ticket, secretly hoping he might have forgotten it, allowing her a few more precious moments with her baby. Or maybe, she just simple said, “I love you.” Eventually the boy reached the door leading down to the airplane, his parents can go no further. As he reaches the threshold, he turns back to his parents and waves goodbye. The parents immediately return the gesture, and their son disappears down the gangway. Mom and dad, both fighting back tears, about face and head back home.

I honestly don’t know why I felt the need to tell this story, perhaps, because it was a very poignant end to my vacation. More importantly, it coupled an emotion with something I had previously never experienced. I have never had to send off a loved on through that doorway. My only experience is what I have heard on the television. It all makes it seem so distant, something that would never affect myself, but it should. It took that little instance to make me realize that what I have, my loved ones, sometimes get taken for granted. That moment made me realize that what little time is actually spent with your family and friends should be cherished, because you never know when it will be your turn to walk through that door and wave goodbye to the people you love…possibly for the last time.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 04:56:51 GMT

Recently I was sent this indirectly by a close friend...

Here's a question for ya, and if you have the answer, please email me: how are you supposed to take it when you find out from the internet that your best friend of 13 years is gay? (and they haven't taken the time to tell you in person?) Personally, I'm a bit offended, but not in a judgmental way because I would rather someone be comfortable with themselves than keep something bottled up and slowly destroy them -- rather, I'm offended because we've been friends for so long and I had to find out this way.

I can understand you being a surprised. Trust me, I wanted to say something a long time ago. Not just to you, but to everyone, at least then I could have had a healthier love life. However, don’t paint yourself as the victim in this…if anyone can take that label, it is me. Picture a world where a majority of the people find your relationships offensive. A society that in effect has reinstated Jim Crow laws, lowering you to the social level that black people occupied just 40 years ago. Imagine spending a childhood and adolescence pretending to be something you are not for fear you will ridiculed for no other reason than who you love. Envision a young man, too afraid to tell his family how he feels for fear he will be cutoff, disowned and unloved by all the people he cares for.

That is just a glimpse into the psyche of many gay teens. So you ask why I didn’t tell you sooner? I was afraid you might view the lifestyle as vile and offensive. I was terrified others would find out and tease and pick on me until there was nothing but a shell of the person you knew. There were many nights I was in tears because the thought of losing the love of the people I had loved terrified me. That’s why I didn’t tell you or anyone sooner.

I don’t think it is right for anyone to have to go through that trouble and heartache. I finally realized that I don’t have anything wrong with me, it isn’t a “choice” I made, homosexuality is part of my design. Who would want to choose this path over the easy, mainstream, and acceptable one? All I ask is that you remember, I am the same person I was before you found out, nothing about me has changed, just your perception of me…

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 21:38:06 GMT

- “First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.” - Martin Niemoeller

For all the tolerance and freedom that this country, the United States of America, preaches and imposes on other nations of the world, it is probably the most intolerant nations out of all those considered "civilized." Since its inception, there has always been a "common enemy" that this country and its citizens have despised and fought against. Whether it be the Indians, the Nazis, the Vietnamese, the Russians, drug dealers, or terrorists, this nation has been in a constant state of war in some form or another. And although there is still the current disdain for all those who seek to subvert our way of living with attacks of mass casualties and cowardice, apparently that is not enough to hate for some of the people of this nation. Don't get me wrong, I am not speaking out against this nation, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I will serve my country with the best of them. However, I AM speaking out against the close minded and ignorant people of this nation who only accept their beliefs and way of living as the "end all be all."

Many people don't remember a fellow by the name of Jim Crow, but he had a series of laws named after him right after the reconstruction of the south following the civil war. The Jim Crow laws were laws passed in many different states that wrote racial discrimination into the books. After much struggle between the black and white communities, those laws were eventually declared unconstitutional and were removed. Here we are, 40 years later, and some states are trying to put those discriminatory laws back into the books. Only this time, they aren't directed towards any race inparticular, just a way a life. A lifestyle that many see a being a choice, but don't realize that it is infact not...homosexuality. On Tuesday, Texas will most likely pass a law banning the marriage between homosexual couples similar to this law that was passed in the "seperate but equal" time..."All marriages between a white person and a negro, or between a white person and a person of negro decent to the fourth generation inclusive, are hereby forever prohibited."

The question I pose to everyone is...How would banning homosexual marriages be any different than banning the marriage between a mixed couple? If I am missing something, please let me know, but until someone can convince me otherwise (without pulling random quotes from the Bible) I think I will forever be confused.

All I ask is that if you don't want to relive through the civil rights hardships again, vote NO on proposition 2!!! There are only a few days left to vote and allowing an amendment like this pass will perpetuate the notion that discrimination and hate are acceptable practices here in the land of equality.

"In the end antiblack, antifemale, and all forms of discrimination are equivalent to the same thing...anithumanism. - Shirley Chisholm

Monday, September 26, 2005

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 01:52:35 GMT

When getting in a fight...remember:

"It is better to fight someone who just lost their arm...than someone who never had it to begin with" :)

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 19:36:54 GMT

The Yin-Yang is a symbol that many people are familar with. It represents the positive and negative forces that are believed to be in our life. Until recently, I just thought of it as an overused tattoo symbol just like everything else asian. :) However, I have come to realize that there does seem to be a relative balance in everyone's life when it comes to good and bad. It definately seems to be the case in mine anyways.

Let's start with the good new first. I can say with 99% certainty, that I finally got hired on with a police department...THANK GOODNESS! I get to quit the job that I truely hate and hates me! I can't say with 100% certainty because I still have to pass a physical stress test (which I am not worried about) and find out if I am not crazy...the voices I keep hearing tell me I should be fine and they are usually right. Of course, with the good that is happening to me, the universe had to balance my scale of life with a little bit of bad!

I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason. It is some fatalistic way of looking at life and trying to make myself feel better I guess. But I had a feeling it was too good to be true when the whole thing started. I could have easily played the selfish card and tried swinging the outcome to a more favorable one, but for some altruistic mentality I possess, I always put my friends happiness before my own. I know what it is like to have a goal and not stopping until that goal is attained, hell, I am still traveling along my path towards my own. I guess that part of life could be compared to a cross country road trip. You have a destination set and you want to get there as fast as you can so the fun...life can begin. But no matter how diligent you are in reaching that destination, I can guarantee that there will be at least one stop along the way. Sometimes those stops can be a nussance and short lived, but some of them can be worth the time as a welcome relief from the diligent journey. Because many times, the ultimate destination plays only a small part in our lives, and it is the journey itself that we'll remember the most. So maybe it might be worth the time to slow down and take in a few sites, you'll never know what you've missed when you race by them focused solely on the destination.

Who knows...maybe the best decision did result, but that doesn't make it the right one. " It's better to break one's heart than to do nothing with it" - Margaret Kennedy

Friday, July 22, 2005

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 07:08:50 GMT

As I was thinking about what to write about tonight, I had to really stop and think. I refuse to be one of those people that superficially and thoughtlessly writes out the activities of their day. Naturally, I wanted something that would be interesting and thought provoking for many people...profound if you will. But then I was struck the notion that there are probably thousands of people who are doing the exact same thing and I had to ask myself, what could I possibly have to say that could change people's lifes? How could my comments compete with every other person out there trying to do the same thing? I decided that I am not going to even try, I can't, because I know there are many people out there that are more well spoken and more articulate than I am.

Everyone wants their fifteen minutes of fame...if not more. (Heck, I think I made the news when I shut down an airport terminal, I figure I still have fourteen and a half minutes coming my way. ;) ) Maybe some think if they change the mainstream thinking of society with their enlightening statements found in their weblog, they might just end up with their piece of the "fame" pie and get to end up in history books for future generations to be forced to read in philosophy class. :)

What is the obsession with the lime light, the need to affect people on a massive scale? When you look at it...the people you are trying to affect ultimately mean nothing to you, so why do you care if you change their life or not. Instead of taking a step back and looking at the big picture, this is the one time you should take one step forward to look at the close up. You do affect many people on a daily basis. Look at your family and friends. Everyday you are in their life, you have some impact on it. It may be minimal or grandeous, but there is definitely something profound about your presence. Think about it...how different would your life be if you didn't have the friends you have now? What would you have done today if you hadn't met the person you hung out with? Where would you be if your parents didn't support you in the life decisions you have made thus far? To everyone of your loved ones, you have made a world of difference and they have made a difference in your life too. So that is what I am going to do...or try to do...over the next many entries, I am going to pick a friend or family member and tell how that person has impacted my life. A tribute or a memorial, depending on how you have affected me.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 20:43:32 GMT

Life's Contradictions

sensibility...over powered by sensation
respect...lack of respect
discretion...closes the door
dissappointment...lurks around every corner
pessimism...more prevalent than optimism
considerate...rude is the "in" thing
caring...no one else seems to
empathetic...in an apathetic world
persistance...frustration
motivation...fueled by jealousy
outwardly confident...inwardly self conscious
truth...over shadowed by lies
love...overtly ellusive
friends...peace of mind
paradise...ready for vacation to end
nice guy...if only it could die
death...truth is known
life...a painful journey!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 08:12:56 GMT

Ask 100 people to define love and I guarantee you, you will get 100 different answers. One of the official definitions of love is: A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

Fairly straight forward, but also cold and scholarly. Love is really so much more than that. It is always having a best friend, no matter what happens. It is something that causes your heart to skip a beat, something that knocks the wind out of you at their very sight. It is taking every one of their flaws and misgivings and seeing them as just another piece of that perfect package, because in your eyes, that is all they are...perfect!

Monday, June 20, 2005

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 10:57:23 GMT

If you would go up high, use your own legs. Do not let yourselves be carried up; do no sit on the backs and heads of others. But you mounted a hourse? You are now riding quickly up to your goal? All right, my friend! But your lame foot is sitting on the horse too. When you reach your goal, when you jump off your horse - on your very height, you higher man, you will stumble. - Nietzche

In essence, a very philisophical way to say, don't take credit for any work but your own because when it comes time for you to work independently, you will fall flat on your face.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 11:31:48 GMT

Found this just the other day:

Cinderella's Miracle; make your loveliness from commonplace things and learn that happiness often has a midnight chiming so that it won't leak bleakly into a watery dawn, and that no matter how fast we run, we leave a part of us behind, and by that part of us, joy comes when we turn the page and we finally live happily ever after - because it is written that way.

Think about it ;) it is actually very poetic!